The First Mother’s Day…

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It was just 9 months ago you suddenly passed.  You were one of a handful of constants who was always there for me and in the span of a breath you were gone.

A million thoughts and feelings surged within me in the following weeks as we mourned your passing.  We all pass someday but why now for you?  Yes, your health was in decline but of all the things to claim you it was a sudden, freak bout of pneumonia?  The suddenness of knowing I’ll never, in this lifetime, have a chance to see your face, hear your voice, smell your perfume, hold your hand or kiss your cheek again killed me and a part of me passed with you that day.

In the months since I could do only what we all can do, pick up the pieces and move on with my life and continue using my God given talents that you and Dad nurtured in me, do the awesome things I do and continue to make you proud.  Hopefully you’re enjoying watching and knowing my adventures far better now up there then I could ever explain it to you in person.

As the months have gone by not a single-day elapses where I haven’t thought of you whether it’s seeing or doing something that reminds me of you or just a random thought.  Those nights when you appear in my dreams (6 of them so far!) are by far the best dreams I’ve ever had and are the type of dreams I personally wish I could have more of.

The pain of your loss?  Not as intense as it was in those first few weeks — except for today.  The Holidays came and went and while it sucked not having you with us at the Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s or Easter table it was this day I felt the most.  The Mother’s Day ads on TV, Mother’s Day e-deals in my e-mail and the dozens of Mother’s Day sales only reinforced the fact we can’t spend the day together in person as in  years past.

It’s time to start a new Mother’s Day tradition for you and I.  It’s not the same without you in person but every time I close my eyes and meditate, stare at our old photos, play with our dogs, or feel the warmth of your spirit around me when I feel down I know you’re still with me and the mana you possessed is now forever entwined with mine.

What to do this first Mother’s Day?  Enjoy some Hawaiian food as you used to? Pamper the dogs as you loved?   Listen to some Hawaiian music?  All of the above as it’s something we both shared and loved!

For me?  Train, meditate and connect.  In future year’s perhaps hike a trail or spend time on a lonely beach to connect better.

It’s not the same by any means but I’ll always keep this as one of several days a year to fully dedicate to your memory and keep it as “our time.”

Happy Mother’s Day Ma.  I love you always.

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